Counseling with DJ

My approach to all relationships is based on a combination of Pragmatic Experiential Therapy for Couples and Interpersonal Neurobiology, both of which rely heavily upon the understanding and influence of decades of research into intimate and attachment relationships, habit change, and interpersonal influence. Foundational to my approach is an understanding that most of us don’t naturally have the skills and abilities associated with healthy, successful relationships. The good news, however, is the skills and abilities needed for healthy relationships can be learned and acquired with dedicated work.

The change process can take many forms, just like relationships, which means I’m happy to work with all parties or just one person who desires change in their relationship(s).

I work with various relationship models, including couples, polyamorous relationships, open/ENM relationships, and am sex-positive and kink-affirming.

It Only Takes One Person to Want Change

Contrary to what you may think, the research strongly suggests that one committed person has a high degree of influence on their partner and their relationship. So if your partner(s) is reluctant or unwilling, we may still be able to support positive change. Some people may want heal from relationship pain and to understand their patterns if they’ve struggled to find lasting love. Let’s talk and see what we might be able to do together to help you to reach your goals.

My approach to starting therapy with teens is best summed up by the wise words of a former colleague: “parents retain us, teens hire us.” If you’re a teen considering therapy, know this: finding the right fit in your therapist is the biggest predictor of success in counseling. So that’s our first and only goal with session one: you’re the boss, and you decide whether or not to hire me. If I’m not the right person for you, just let me know - simple as that.

My work with teenagers is broad, covering common concerns like:

• Anxiety and Depression

• ADHD

• Sexuality & Gender Identity Concerns

• Behavioral Difficulties

• Relationship Concerns

• Self-esteem Issues

• Life Changes/Transitions

• Divorce Adjustment*

Lastly, there are a few areas I do not work with and want to save you time of trying to get in touch. These include:

• Autism Spectrum Disorders

• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

• Some Court-Mandated Treatment

*In the event of divorce, separation, or custody concerns, both custodial parents will be required to sign a Consent to Child & Adolescent Therapy Agreement prior to treatment onset. If you have concerns, please let me know when you make contact for scheduling.

Treatment Consent in Washington State

Washington allows minors aged 13+ to consent to mental heath services. You will find detailed information about this in the FAQs section below.

Parenting culture has changed dramatically over the last 50 years or so, and with it have come a lot of changes in terms of what “good parenting” even means. Parenting today can feel more like a minefield than anything else, and often I hear a version of “okay, just tell me how to NOT mess up my kids.” From blogs and magazines to social media influencers and pop-psychology, there is no shortage of ways to feel like you’re doing it wrong. But what is right? No approach or style fits every family, let alone every child within a family.

For nearly two decades, my work has integrated relationship change models and interpersonal skills in my work with parents, teens, and children. I’ve found a special interest in supporting parents and their relationships with their teens (hint: it’s going to be rocky, but it doesn’t have to be miserable) in managing both the external and internal expectations and demands of raising kids.

I’m here to help with navigating the tween and teen years, from tackling common challenges like school, emerging sexuality and peer relationships, managing boundaries and allowing teens to fail in ways that support their growth. In all of this, the most important and influential tool you have - your relationship - will be at the center of our approach.

Curious if might be able to help? Contact me below for a 15-minute “meet and greet” session. I look forward to speaking with you!

I am a Certified Sex Therapy Informed Professional, a sex-positive and affirming clinician who believes that not talking about sex and sexuality can leave out some of the most important parts of our relational and individual worlds. This is a welcoming and judgment free zone for any and all sexual concerns.

I know that just getting to an appointment in the first place can be a challenge. It may mean having to face things you’ve been burying or avoiding. It may mean that your parents or employer want or even require you to attend counseling.

Once you’ve walked in the door, you are in control of what you say and share and what you don’t. I want you to tell me the things that are important, but I also want you to tell me when you are ready and not before.

To start, I’ll go over confidentiality and some other nuts and bolts, so expect that I’ll start by talking to you for a few minutes. Once that is over, the main goal is for us to get to know each other for one purpose: to decide whether it makes sense to move forward. This can mean that you don’t feel comfortable. It can also mean that I don’t feel I am the right fit for you or what your needs may be. I won’t try to “white knuckle” it and try my best. If I tell you I’d be happy to work with you, it is because I feel confident that my skills and strategies and experience match up well with your goals.

At the end of the session, you’re welcome to schedule another appointment with me or to wait and think it over. You can also schedule online at your convenience.

In some instances, a person may experience what Brené Brown called a “vulnerability hangover” in one of her famous TED Talks. I think of it as “Oh my, I just shared all of that with a total stranger” (in her case it was an entire audience) and a bit of “oh crap, what are they going to think?” may set in.

Know this - there will never be judgement of anything that is shared, and frankly, after nearly 20 years of doing this, you’re not going to shock or surprise me. We all have our crap, right? Know that just like anyone else, I have mine, too.

If you feel any of this, bring it up when we meet again. It can be a great place to start.

This is an excellent question, and the answer will come in a few forms. Firstly, thank you for trusting me with your child and their mental health needs. There will never be a day that I take that for granted.

Secondly, I have developed these linked guides for parents/caregivers/guardians specific to both Washington and Wisconsin.

Mainly, I ask that you trust the process and know that your involvement in therapy may vary depending on a few factors. My go-to way of thinking of parental involvement is this: I want parents to be as involved as is helpful. That will vary based on presenting concerns, the age of your child (generally you’ll be involved less as they get older).

If part of your goal for therapy involves improving your relationship with your child, you may consider seeking out your own therapy to work on your end of things or you may benefit from my workshop for parents, Cracking the Code of Parent-Teen Relationships: www.empowermyrelationships.com/cc-main.

What information will be shared with me as the parent?

Like so many things in my profession, it depends. Know that effective therapy requires privacy (even for young children), and that may leave a parent feeling less involved and less “in the know” than they might prefer to be. If at any point you are feeling this, let me know. Depending on what is going on, it just might not involve parents too much, but it shouldn’t make you feel like an outsider. Should you ever feel this way, please contact me.*

*In rare cases I may not be able to communicate with you because I don’t have authorization to do so. When a teenager reaches the age of consent for mental health services (18 in Wisconsin, 13 in Washington), a release of information signed by your teenager will be required.

Confidentiality refers to the protected status of your health information and any information disclosed in the counseling process. This information is protected by the Health Information Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) of 1996, which governs how your Protected Health Information (PHI) can be used and must be safeguarded.

So is it like “Everything that happens in Vegas?”

To a degree - meaning aside from a few exceptions (see below), information cannot be disclosed without written consent from you or the consent of your parent(s) or legal guardian(s). Who can consent comes down to the state you live in as the laws vary.

What’s Different Between Washington and Wisconsin (aka the two states in which DJ is licensed to practice counseling)?

In Wisconsin, consent cannot be given by anyone under 18 unless they are legally emancipated or if they are seeking substance abuse services.

In Washington, minors as young as 13 can legally consent to mental health services without consent of parents or guardians.

Limits to Confidentiality

Again, these will vary somewhat from state to state, but there are situations in which a “covered entity” (aka healthcare provider like DJ) is legally required to report information to parents or a third-party, such as Child or Adult Protective Services (or a similar entity) in order to keep someone safe.

Do counselors try to find out what is happening or not?

In short, no - and what this means is that we are not in an investigative role. The law requires us to report suspected abuse or neglect of a minor or incapacitated adult. Obviously we try to understand a situation as best we can and will make every effort to determine reportability of a concern, which may include consultation with other professionals.

Confidentiality and Initial Contact with a Counselor

Initial contact by any means (phone, email, text message) is outside of an established counseling relationship. However, in the event that information suggesting possible risk of harm to self or other or of abuse or neglect may require a report or family contact if possible.

There are times when a parter doesn’t feel comfortable or simply doesn’t have availability to come to couples therapy. This can be very frustrating for someone who wants to address concerns they have and want to work on together.

Though relationship work is almost always best accomplished through joint work, it is also very possible to change a relationship with just one partner in therapy. One of the core takeaways from the research on intimate partnerships is that one person truly can affect the relationship and create change by learning how to influence the other. So if you are in this situation, reach out and let’s talk about what we can do even if it’s just you coming to sessions.

Of course, not all relationships will improve and just because there is a lot of potential to change your relationship by what you do or don’t do, it is never a guarantee.

This is a common concern, from the slightly reluctant teen to the one who might get so angry they pull a signpost out of the ground (yes, this has happened). While no parent or guardian should force their teen into therapy, there are a handful of things you can do or consider when it comes to pitching the idea to them. Above all, remember - this may be your chance to give them a good or bad experience that shapes how they’ll view therapy moving forward. Be sure to put plenty of thought into your approach. A few pointers are below:

1. Approach it as an opportunity for them to get to know someone, to make a decision as to whether the potential therapist would feel like a good fit. The number one predictor of a successful outcome in therapy is the sense of alliance between client and therapist - and no parent can select that or make that happen. So let them know that (if you found the therapist for them) you think this person would be a good fit, but that you are only asking your teen to check it out for themselves. 

Whether or not there are things to address is a separate matter, but your teen needs to feel like they have some choice, and the easiest way to make them resistant to a therapist before even meeting is to tell them they don't have a choice. 

2. Let them know that they don't have to share anything they don't feel comfortable sharing. You can say there are things you think would be helpful to talk about or you hope they'll open up about, but also let them know that there is not a requirement to open up or divulge information right away. Only when they feel comfortable enough to do so. You may, as the parent, want them to get to the bottom of things or dive right in, but we have to recognize that they will need to feel safe and trusting, and that doesn't happen automatically (at least in more cases than not). 

I frequently tell kids and teens that they are welcome to say nothing at all if they don't want to. I joke that the session may feel kind of boring, but it's their right. And a hint: most often when I take any pressure off by assuring them they're in control, they open up much more quickly. 

And a step further: if there have been serious events or potentially shame-filled experiences, it can take several sessions for them to open up. I once spent nearly six weeks just playing UNO with a survivor of sexual abuse and her grandmother before she felt comfortable just being alone in the room with me, let alone diclosing or disucssing anything. So we can take our time, often it's worth it.

3. Your teen may or may not agree with you as to whether therapy would be the right solution, or frankly as to whether there is even anything that needs solving. You will likely get a lot further if you can frame things as tentative ("I think this could be helpful, so I'm asking you to check it out"). If they insist there is nothing "wrong" with them, you may consider your language around the issue. Giving non-personalized but clear examples can be very helpful. Instead of "You get so angry and break things and yell at me" you might try "It seems like getting upset is really difficult for you and I'm guessing leaving things broken or having to apologize or feel bad about what you did or said doesn't feel good to you either. OR "it seems like you have been a lot more sad or closed off lately and I'm wondering if there is a pattern or we might be able to find some things to help you to feel better."

4. Let them know that they will get to choose their therapist, and that you will help them to find the right fit if this person isn't the right one. Normalize that sometimes you have to meet a couple of them before that happens, and that's normal. While you'd love for them to connect with the person you found,* that you also want to see what they think and to help them to make a choice that feels right for them.

*Ideally, you will be able to find at least a couple of options that you can present before even making an appointment, or if they're up for it, having them search for a therapist may help them to feel like they have more say. Your teen may need your help, and between insurance and availability, it can get complicated - so there simply may not be a lot of options. But regardless of how involved they are, you might say it's like buying clothing for them - only when they try it on will they know if it's the right fit. You're just making your best guess.

5. Remember that this may be the first discussion and they may take a little bit of time to warm up to the idea, or frankly for your teen to process and reflect on what you’ve said or suggested. So if they’re reluctant, just ask them to think about it. It may seem like a step backward to make it a tentative suggestion, but anything that feels too much like a push is likely to build resistance.

Ever since the COVID Pandemic, telehealth has become the norm in mental health treatment, so when life has taken me to different locations I have been fortunate enough to continue seeing clients virtually. Life has led me from Bloomington, IN (2007-2010) to Madison, WI (2010-2024), Vancouver, WA (2024-2025) to Reno, NV (2025-Present), and it has made enough sense to retain active licenses when I moved states.