Over the years, many clients (a healthy amount of them being teenagers) have scoffed at breathing as a strategy for coping with stress.

“C’mon DJ, I breathe all the time.”

Yes, this is true - but we’re talking about paying more attention to it, that’s all.

Mindful essentially means “paying attention to” - meaning we simply take the time to focus in on the sensations and experience of breathing. This can include the sensations of the air hitting our nostrils, mouth, or throat. I can be the sensation the air movement on our lip or lips, or even how our body moves or the air movement of an exhale noticeable on our arms, neck, or chest.

Start simply: notice the sensations of the air going in and out of your body.

How does it feel different going in versus out?

Does it feel dry or moist?

Do you notice yourself breathing deeply or shallowly?

If it’s not deep, try to breathe more deeply on purpose. Send the air all he way down to your belly button.

Begin to notice the parts of your body that move against the chair, couch, bed, or floor.

As your mind wanders elsewhere, perhaps to a worry for frustration about your teenager (or anything else), simply refocus back on the breathing sensations.

Spend up to give minutes doing this, remembering that your focus will probably wander off at some point, and that’s okay. Each time, gently bring the focus back to the breath and the feelings of your body’s movements while breathing.

This simple, yet highly effective, breathing exercise can be completed in as little as three minutes or continued for virtually as long as you’d like.

The gist: you’re controlling the flow of air through your nostrils by closing one at a time, completing a full inhale/exhale cycle with each nostril and then switching which one you are holding closed.

You may rest your hands with a finger on your forehead and using one hand or holding your hands together in front of your face and using your index figures to close each nostril.

Think of it like a tennis match between the two sides, your only role is to keep track of the volley.

Complete this exercise for at least 3-5 minutes, with greater benefit typically coming from at least five minutes of practice and up to fifteen.

A bonus: one can complete this exercise virtually anywhere with no one noticing. I often use it to calm my nerves before public speaking.

Adapted from a presentation by Emma Seppälä, Ph.D. at The Psychology Center cir. 2012.

Lay down and take a few deep breaths.

Notice your stress or tension level, label it from 0-10.

Put your hand on your lower abdomen and breathe so your hand goes up but not your chest.

Allow yourself to notice the space you’re in, without a judgment or concern. Just notice it.

When you’re ready, close your eyes.

As you take slow, relaxed, deep breaths, imagine your body sinking deeper, even if only slightly, into the surface below you.

With each breath, you allow your body to relax a little bit more, and you notice that your body feels closer and closer to the surface below you.

Keep breathing until you feel like you feel you’re practically a part of the bed or couch or floor below you - and simply….stay….there.

Easy, even breaths.

Take your time.

Recheck your stress level, 0-10, and notice if it has gone down.

If you’re ready, return to the issue or concern at hand. If not, no problem. Take more time with this activity, or find something else on the page or elsewhere - it will be worth it.

Sometimes the main thing we need is a little distraction to help our nervous system calm down. You may remember when you were a kid and you got a scrape or cut – someone might have said “don’t look at it” – you may even use this technique for getting a shot or other needle stick. Heck, I still do that every time I give blood.

So even though you feel hyper-focused on what has happened with your child or teenager, allow yourself a moment to recognize that nothing’s on fire, nothing needs to happen at this exact moment. It’s a pretty intense feeling that says otherwise, but you’re in control of this moment.

If you can get close to a window, do so right now. Pick something to focus on. Maybe it’s the trees. Pick your favorite one, and describe why it’s your favorite. Maybe it’s the shape, color, size, maybe it’s funky or maybe it’s majestic.

You may also be looking out at or down onto a parking lot. How many red vehicles? How many blue ones? Can you name as many car brands as you can see? Is there a car you’d take out for a joyride right now if you could?

No matter what it is, giving yourself that little break to look elsewhere should help your stress level come down, even if just a little bit. But that’s the goal – every little bit helps. If you still need to calm down more, consider repeating this exercise, finding an activity to immerse yourself in for a few minutes, or explore more options on the page.

Sort cards.

Count tiles, window panes, objects in the room, etc.

Find your favorite tree, car, plant. Examine the reasons you’re drawn to this particular one.

Find a six-sided die and sort through the sides by feel instead of by sight. Try finding them in order, then reverse order, or by odds and then evens.

Find a soothing sensory distraction (pleasant smell or texture, favorite blanket, favorite song or sound).

Find a safe but intense sensory distraction (ice cube, freezer, strong scent, cold water to the face, brief but intense exercise* or movement).

Use your mind: engage in a task that immerses you, such as a crossword, sudoku, repair or clean something, etc.).

Sing.

Find something that makes you laugh.

Spend time with a pet.

Connect with someone you love.

Journal.

Help someone/do something for someone else.

Adapted from “Integrative Cognitive-Behavioral Group Therapy” presentation

Lead by Greg Crosby, MA, LPC, CGP on September 3, 2009

1. Rate feelings (anxiety, frustration, panic, etc) from 0-10 (0=low, 10= high)

2. count _____________ (e.g. chairs in your section, squares on floor)

3. describe the colors in the room

4. name as many cities as you can

5. name as many sports teams as you can

6. subtract 5 from 100 and get a new number then subtract 5 again (repeat)

7. look at a word or phrase and read the letters backwards, as if you’re noticing the letters for the first time

8. wiggle your toes

9. change your body position intentionally

10. squeeze your chair tightly then release

11. squeeze your fist tightly then release

12. squeeze your palms together (pray) then release

13. hold an object and describe what it looks and feels like

14. belly breathe

15. think of your favorite time of day

16. think of your favorite season

17. think of your favorite pet

18. think of a happy song

19. think of a favorite person (dead or alive)

20. think of a favorite soothing place (specific) and consider the sights, the shapes, the sounds

21. rate feelings (anxiety, frustration, panic, etc) from 0-10 (0=low, 10= high)

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) involves a series of intentional muscle tension and relaxation exercises, usually progressing from one end of the body to the other (top to bottom or bottom up). The goal is to not only activate and release the muscles, but to focus on the sensory experience as a means of keeping one’s mind in the present – a key to calming physiological arousal and accessing our “upstairs” brain.

Beyond a physical relaxation exercise, PMR mindful of the “wave” of relaxation one feels when releasing a hold – following it though the body until it disappears from awareness. If you’d like, try a couple of times with by making fists and allowing some tension to build (5-10 seconds will do) and then release the fist and pay attention to a “wave” of relaxation that will likely travel up your forearm after you release the hold.

Your mind is likely to wander as you try this – and that’s okay. Your job is only to notice and bring it back to the task at hand – tensing, relaxing, and noticing the sensations in your body. Generally, two sets of tension and relaxation for each part or area of the body are recommended. You do not need to exert a great deal of effort, and prone to muscle cramps should proceed with caution accordingly.

Follow the list and process below or listen to the recording for guidance through this exercise.

Format

Are of body and movement (muscles to be tensed)

Curl up your toes (bottom of foot)

Stretch your toes outward (top of foot)

Pull your toes toward your head (shins)

Point your toes downward away from your head (calves)

Stretch your legs straight down/flatten the knees (quads/top of legs)

Press your heels down into the floor (hamstrings/back of legs)

Tense your bottom (buttock muscles)

Tense as though you are attempting to restrict urine flow (PC muscle)

Tense your lower belly (transverse abdominis)

Shrug your shoulders (shoulder muscles)

Lift one or both arms about two inches off the floor (deltoids)

Push your arms to be straight as possible (triceps)

Curl your arms as though lifting a weight (biceps)

Make fists (upper forearm)

Pull the back of your hands close to you (top forearm)

Pull the bottoms of your hands close to you (lower forearm)

Spread out your fingers as much as possible (hand muscles)

Lift your head off of the pillow or floor about two inches (neck muscles)

Open your mouth wide while trying to smile (cheeks)

Scrunch your mouth (lip and cheek muscles)

Furrow your eyebrows (forehead)

Lift your eyebrows (forehead)

Slowly take ten even, deep breaths and take as much time as you’d like in your now-relaxed state.